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Jarvage Vol. 2

by Jarv

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1.
Fine 03:42
Umm, hey, hello, hi, how ya’ doing? I’m fine With a stomach full of alcohol and nothing on my mind I’m just another slime ball, shout out to my family I’m jumping on the rhyme like I’m bouncing on a trampoline I’m amped to be so much bigger than I expected I may not be shit- Still the biggest in my section I’m flexing- Yes, I guess I never learn my lesson If you didn’t dig my last shit, you’ll have to catch my next shit I beckon to the moon, I mean I’m howling- I’m clever I’ll tell you that you’re whack like Simon Cowell or whatever Don’t play me like a joker, bloke- I ain’t your freaking jester I’m keeping these ladies licking their lips like Heath Ledger Speaking metaphorically, the heat-seeking majority Still could never compete with me- I beat each of them mortally I sorta see myself as something y’all could never fluff with Rip it off the cuff and it’s spontaneous combustion But this one here is written, some of all y’all don’t know the difference Far too busy speaking to even begin to listen I pissed in the pot while kicking the hornets’ nest If you don’t get this, ya’ get left- Yes, yes Test, test, one, two- Honey, who flung shit? I burnt son once, you never heard son since Put trust in the functions, if a punk talk slick I crush him like six tons of cinderblock bricks Pick a side, any side’s fine with me I devise these rhymes and I rhyme for me And I’ll recite these rhymes over this beat I made ‘Cause while your digging in your booty, I’ll be digging through the crates While they say my style is old school, I say my style is classic I also say your whole contrived style’s completely trash, kid I smash with the force of a hearse against a person And it only gets worse- Can you imagine? For sure ‘cause yo- This ain’t the first time this jerk burst berserk rhymes I blurt lines that cure swine and ensure guys get hurt spines If you’re trying to merge mine with yours, I can sure find That your time is well-wasted, I lace tales with pure grime I’m fine Yeah, I’m feeling pretty good today I said I’m fine Yes, I’m feeling fucking decent I’m fine I’m feeling pretty good today I said I’m fine Yes, I’m feeling fucking decent, listen Can you handle this man slamming his stamp on a beat Eager to do damage, ransack and then trample you? I separate a sandwich into cold cuts I’ll never let a man tell me what I can and can’t put in my sampler I cancel a chancellor, assuming a stance above High ranking officials ‘fore they even understand what’s up Hands go up for the black sheep lacking in sleep Listening to records like my sister Heather watches Vanderpumps Fuck That Bull Shit I Can’t Watch That Shit Hell no I’m just tryina get Nahte the fuck up off his cell phone I’m just tryina quit being a hypocrite but hell knows Evil goes, “ding” as if it’s me for whom the bell tolls I felt so good until reality snapped Fact; underground rappers have a salary cap Uhhhh, I should probably go and like, get a real job I should probably go to college, I should probably stop But this the only thing that I like I put my time into the beat, I put these rhymes in the mic I put the crowd in a frenzy, I put the key in the lock I put my heart and soul into leaving MCs in a box Look at me- Lock it up Got a lot of props, but it’s not enough Watch the way I rock, a flop MC will get his nozzle shut Spouting all that drivel, I dribble and drop schemes That’ll leave a weak MC busted and split at the seams Spit it? Indeed, yes, I do It seems that I’ve grew grown I bruise bones of you clones who’ve misused and threw stones I’m easily through competing with you And so a purgatory deep within the beat’ll be your new home You know nothing of J A R V What I’m lacking in the funding, I make up for with the bars Please sit your bitch-ass down before I make liquid Of your beats and your rhymes and your entire existence But I’m fine I’m feeling pretty good today I said I’m fine Yes, I’m feeling fucking decent, bro I’m fine I’m feeling pretty good today I said I’m fine Yes, I’m feeling fucking decent, baby
2.
Placenta 02:40
Big nose, hunch back- Kick those dumb raps Sipping Jack while the homies lick-closed blunt wraps Schizo; fun fact- the kid knows comebacks So fork over your skunk sacks and bunk flows, run that I don’t need the flows, heaven knows I got plenty But you don’t need ‘em either, see, they’re weak and gut-wrenching “Does Jarv have many steez?” That depends, tell me- Do hippies eat placentas? Does VAG own Bentley? I spaz, don’t tempt me- y’all don’t wanna hear it Turn me up to ten- prone to render domes earless Tender poem speaking- If that shit is a crime I’m a career criminal, leaving MCs careerless I roll up in a clear whip; Invisible Boatmobile You can hear the tires squeal when I gear-shift Pierce this atmosphere, fully fearless Send it into orbit, I’m morbid and I appear pissed But I am not, I’m calm, tryina drop bombs If I pop I’ll probly buy stock in Nautica and Izod If I flop, it’s your fault- I might stop I’m just joshing you, my god- Get off my jock, Paesan I style on you with much grace- How my nuts taste, fuckface? I must place some slut-shame on me, like, “what fuck Nate??” I’ll scrub the bloodstains up off of the rug Once your crustacean love-mate is done making the duck-face Son, I crush stages- Y’all just go through ‘em Steady elevating while your wading in the sewers Successful, superb, superior to your stupid little futile, useless losers Usurp you, sir- You earned two-for-one, dumb Jarv in a drunken stupor Walking ‘round talking mad smack to my supers Acting like I ain’t the one that yacked in the über Blooper reel, it is real when I spit it All the women fight like Israelites and Palestinians Cutting through the mix like Aron Ralston did his arm If you wanna get it on, get it on In the dawn on the lawn smoking bongs with your mom She’s a long-haired lady, I’m a long-haired man That doesn’t mean I’m a goddamn hippy If you’re unable to get me, I totally understand Now pass that shit over this side Now pass it on back over that side If you pass it over here, while I don’t smoke often I might take a toke, yeah, that’s right I said pass that shit over this side Now ya’ pass it on back over that side If you pass it over here, while I don’t smoke often I might take a toke, yeah, that’s right, that's right, that's right
3.
Alright 03:12
So recently I had a thing with this chick She was built like a brick shit-house, dumb as a brick I really thought I liked her, but I really must admit I don't really think I did, I just liked giving her love We were chilling non-stop for just over a month That’s not a long time, but still, it was enough For me to become well-aware she was just another sleazy-ass (what?!) Dumb slag, bag of dung, conceded-ass raggamuff Batter up, ‘bout to hit it out the park- MISS This woman took a shit upon my heart- BITCH She's a man-eater, oh, the broad's slick Just another initial upon a long list Yeah, I lied when you asked how many women I'd been with You're gonna have to add a couple extra hands I've had many before you and I'll have many after Not saying I'm the shit, not claiming to be the man, I’m just saying Listen, you may not be as special as you think And I know that's what you think ‘cause you don't think about much It sucks the way it turned out, I know baby, it's tough I went on tour for ten days and you couldn't wait to get stuffed I'm usually not the type to gripe or hold a grudge But saying sorry was the least ya’ coulda done Instead, you decided you would try and make me feel like I was crazy Because I politely asked you what was up- Yup And then she sends me a pic of that new kid she's with Thinking it would make me jealous and pissed- Well it did But still, I'm not about to give the bitch the satisfaction Of knowing I give a fuck about who she interacts with I bask in a haze of love and hate coagulating I hate your fucking attitude but, babe, you're rather banging With your newly pierced nips and your platinum died hair You can quit watching my story, stupid bitch- You think I care? (Yes) I know that I've been saying that she's dumb and that it's typical But when it comes to being dumb this cunt is on the pinnacle Oh wait I shouldn't say that, the C-word offends her Why am I even talking about this cunt? I can't remember One time waking up, dude, she had me weak She actually asked me if hippos had teeth Yo, what do you mean?? Please tell me that you're kidding I know you must be thinking, "wow, she sounds really witty" But wait, I got some more- One night when she was over She said she wanted to play some video games and I said, "oh word?" Heck yeah is what I thought initially but no, sir She didn't know how to hold an N64 controller So I showed her the right way- Of course she got offended I might have told a joke- Of course she didn't get it She said that I was crazy, I proceeded laughing “How is it my fault that you don't understand sarcasm?” And how's about that time you said that Hannah was a slut And you would both be at this party and you wanted to fuck her up And I said, "no, you really shouldn't, c'mon chill, don't stress" And then a week later on instagram, you say you're BFFs? Ahh yes, of course- Hey, whenever you feel the need You can grab your bottle of lube and clean your lipstick off my sheets Am I being too harsh? Am I being too mean? If you didn't do me like you did I wouldn't be You see, she's just another zombie- Little dumb blondie Try to watch a movie, but she never stops talking You came and got your ring- I gave away your watch Looking basic in my driveway drinking an iced coffee Go and find a hobby- Superficial, snobby- Hoes, don't ya' know play the role of the prom queen I musta’ been caught up in all of the sucking and swallowing ‘Cause otherwise these dumb sluts got nothing to offer me Obviously, I’m not talking about all women I respect women- I just don’t respect you You know who you are Fuck you and you suck
4.
Son 02:29
Don't ya’ mind people grinnin’ in your face Get hip to the bullshit, get wise to the games, ride straight- And maintain, don't stray, stay, remain patient When separating the real from the fakes Little snakes slither hither with a bitter plan to wither My continually growing, soul-eroding flow elixir Shed your skin, bitches- I spit and rattle off the richter Reimburse your cover charge And then you'll leave covered in blisters- I’ll fold ‘em quicker Mister mister made me laugh when he began to shake and shiver Couldn't take the blizzard blastin’ so pass them- Yeah, them props- Pass 'em over here my dear The wrath is something you can't fathom in this stratosphere I'll gladly tear your ego into shreds and separate the two sides of your face Who lies and awaits the time to die at the stake It's not a dis bitch, I dismiss your whole phony craft- Wack Grinnin’ in my face, talking shit behind my back
5.
I'm ready to spaz- Blast phat shat- Splattering average acts Slash with the rapping ax- Get gashed with the front, smashed with the back Rhythmic savage stabbing the track and leaving it lying there leaking My style is far too advanced, pansy be crying and pleading Handle me? Never could ya’- I'm just too good, son Go Kaboom when I say it and you’ll stay where I kaput ya I'll wrap a mic cable around your neck and then I'ma pull it until you go pop So stop, my flow's hotter than lava Jack, I'm that sick- Rappers get slapped with a flaccid dick And their rhyme books ripped up, scattered, slathered in piss Spitting excrement, excited I step, set on the precipice When I arrive, I'll jet and then fly higher than heaven is (If that exists) But I ain't getting into that now The beat is pounding loud, so I'm about lay the smack down You max out at four but I'ma double it up Let me summon the troubled gut and leave you stumbling son Check it, I reckon I rock and I roll I'ma set it way better than y'all and I'll blow it up I can now say that well on my way I connected a sick multisyllabic flow And I'm kicking it, wicked when I get to spitting I rip in two, I'm in tune with rhythm I'm giving ‘em all of it, bottled or canned I can shatter your frame with a mic in my hand If you want it, come get it, I'm steadily moving And proving that you cannot even compute it I do it to music, I do it to nothing I do it for me and that's end of discussion I'm bombing upon it and breaking the beat You be talking a lot but not saying a thing When you add it all up, it's abundantly clear- No competitor's ever been hanging with me So punk, pump your brakes- I run the race verbally Concussed and maimed, you've come for brain surgery Like J. Dahmer, I'ma lobotomize your mind eternally And arrange the circuitry until you’ve heard of me You think you're gonna stop me? You're gonna have to have an army I'll maow your slag's roast beef out back of the Arby's And blast you with a cap gun just for being wack, son I'll roast your faggot style in the the trash out back of the Pacsun Send ashes back, or I'll scatter ‘em on a smacking track Kato kicking ass like high-schoolers and hacky sacks Action-packed- Drifting my Jetta, blasting acid jazz Your favorite rapper’s got flows? Go grab his ass a maxi-pad Phat, in fact, super superb- Swerve; Elegant Back to back, purging a verse- Burst; Intelligent Indelible, I'm making my mark, marks'll go silent Making sure you read my rhyme every time that you close your eyelids Fuck that overdone shit, I don't need no punch-in Just gimme the microphone, I'll treat your whole crew to a luncheon You cunts with your fancy videos be on some dumb shit I'll blow holes in your dome, prone to throw flows and run shit Bust it- I'll destroy your meek toy plans You’re feeling weak when you see me in my b-boy stance So look away man, no second glance- Slam anybody for tampering Leaving ‘em tucking like Buffalo Bill, still devoid of a chance You're a big mouth like Fairuza Balk Or Malachai from Children of the Corn I'm scorning y'all in in bulk Y'all are dull and dumb, but, kid- I come equipped with a spark When it's all said and done, you won't forget the name It's Jarv See ya
6.
B4D 03:43
Three four-fours to the bozo Pistols, shotguns, bulldogs 17 knives to your wives (slice) Go get life Nine-times cool cat in a pool- swim Slim Thug, piss jug, Slim Jim I love sports, basketball court king My bed creeks like recess swing Princess, queen, my baby Big booty bitch going crazy Half past a bulls ass- Get dissected Tell me that you love me I've been around and back again Took a red-hot walk through the devil's den I've been around back again Had to come back, too bad for him 2x Big bad truck stop bandit Rockstar's good goddammit Dirty dad jeans, cowboy hat Seems all things happen for a reason It's my step sons birthday Johnny want a gun Cross my heart and hope to die I'll smoke that punk for fun Everybody got a bit of life to live But I'm just too bad for that biker bitch Broke her heart and then I smoked a dart And I robbed that bitch blind Pink flamingo lawn decor I walk down to the corner store Tall boy, all mine, bought some smokes And I sold em to my step son I ain’t tryina hear shit Baby gurl, I'm fearless Living off cheese sticks, beer and Doritos Tryina watch “Aaahh!!! Real Monsters” If I was a dog I’d rule You'd clean my shit You would hear me, fear me, please and appease me If I was god I would bark (ruff) I've been around and back again Took a red-hot walk through the devil's den I've been around and back again Had to come back, too bad for him 2x Thunder rumbles when I walk Yeah, jazz plays when I talk Millionaire stare, blank check gaze At the caked up face in the billboard Cherry stem tied in her butt crack, ooh Walmart rollback must have Triple C daydream, sober up nightmare Too dirty for Axe body wash Hungry hungry nymphos Grungy punks and bimbos Meth-head tweakers, velcro sneakers Too fucked up to tie ‘em I'm in an RV on ecstasy Cooking methamphetamine Spun like tires, out of tread Mushroom cloud in the desert I've been around and back again Took a red-hot walk through the devil's den I've been around and back again Had to come back, too bad for him 2x
7.
PMDO 04:38
Man, I'm tighter than a b-hole Tighter than the tightest story that could ever be told Tight like the leg room on a Southwest flight Tight like hipster pants, tight like how my hand grips the mic Kid is nice, “Nice!” Rhyming like riding bikes Nice like a grandfather giving wise advice Nice like the time spent rhyming with my friends I'm nice- I ain't no Vanilla Ice Man, I'm dope Kid, you better act like you know Not dope like a junkie, punk, I'm dope like a professional Interesting how nobody knows I'm just an ordinary average joe But yo, I'm so cool- Now But I wasn't back when I was in school How did I switch it up? They thought I was a fool Wow, they were wrong I suppose Nowadays I'm cool enough to freeze the snot in your nose Man, I'm nasty like the chick who flashed E last week Snapped him a vid of her fingers slathered in algae I’m nasty in a good way, but when I'm acting badly I'm nasty like the cat who be driving the Fake Taxi I’m radical- Rapping outside of the tabernacle Heathen may begin to leave you seething-mad and baffled Rascal, rapscallion, rabble-rousing cat who be straddling the scaffolding and captivating crowd-fulls Master Master any craft that I'm after Strapped with a note pad? You’re bound for disaster Flash her my fangs, god-dang-it I make laughter When I pound cats with sound that makes compound-fractures I'm fresh Ya know I must profess Superb, super duper- I flow best Fresh like an organic veggie I contest any pesticide when I try my best I'm a scholar Scholastic style- Why bother? Read you like a book and then recite you like a proverb If you wanna talk your drivel- get dropped for giggles and shits Sick and legit, sticking it raw Kid, I'm popping 24/7, I'm non-stopping Unstoppable when I’m rocking the spot It’s Jarv kicking it proper- Y’all lames kick rocks Nowadays when y'all perform, you're sounding like you're on Suboxone I’m on point Yeah, I'm sharp like an arrow With accuracy to clip wings off a sparrow This long haired fuck got you walking straight and narrow Bad to the bone- Periosteum to marrow Versatile Many styles I'll kick Not just a pretty face- I also got a big heart Sit tight for a moment, I'd quite like to know when I oughta go in and abolish a body up out of their biggety-boasting I divide the ocean- Redefine the quotient I part the seas- I'm leaving these hoes open So when, oh when did I get thrown in the mix Sorry bitch, I do not know when How many chicks wanna see me tonight? How many chicks wanna see me tonight? Heh? Heh? Does anybody wanna see me tonight? Does anybody wanna see me tonight? Uh-uh ‘Cause I’m a good man But you don’t wanna see me When we’re chilling up in your house and I pull my d**k out I pull my d**k out I pull my d**k out, yeah 2x
8.
Ally was cool, but she lived a ways away I met her at a school, visiting my friend, Nate Long-distance, it isn’t hard to explain I got a job and she’ a college chick- What else is there to say? Addy was a prude, but I liked her- Yeah, it’s true I didn’t pressure her to do what she didn’t wanna do She’d say I was her guy and then she’d hang me out to dry I eventually grew tired of the bottom of her shoe Annah was a freak, we had a lot of fun at first Had it locked down for months, then the hun went berserk At first- Thought it was love, but the bubble got burst The slut fucked Kyle while I was at work, but That’s life That’s what all the people say You’re riding high in April Shot down in May 2x Back on the scene, sick of feeling fickle Fractured the heart-strings, hard to be civil Pissed off, used and abused- You giggle But if you play the victim, what’s it get you? Now I’m driving down Ascutney Street Looking for my life under shit-town lights But I won’t give you the luxury Of me getting drunk and sleeping on your front lawn tonight And now you call me on the phone You tell me that you miss me and you’re home alone Ha, what a trip, funny how the roles switch, stupid bitch Fuck you think? It’s a no That’s life That’s what all the people say You’re riding high in April Shot down in May 2x
9.
Defense Mech 04:35
Alright, glad y’all made it Before we begin, I’m gonna extend a little warning to any members of my family, or, you know, if you got kids in the car- You might wanna skip this song... 3 (3) 2 (2) 1 (1) Women wanna see me, hags wanna touch me Bitches wanna kiss me, slags wanna f**k me (Really?) Well sometimes, sure, if I'm lucky Couldn't give a heck if you fat, skinny or chubby Ugly bitches, you can still get it Sit upon the di-dick when you finished with the dishes After the dinner, I’ma get up in you Then send ya back to the kitchen to fix the kid a sammich It's the B to the L to the T for me Extra bacon and cheddar cheese indeed Please move quick, keep speedy for the kid Shoot the mayo on your back like graffiti on the bridge Get stuffed like a turkey- Slut sucked and jerked me Upchuck the slurpee nut bust- You thirsty? Ooooh and it's just that raw Funbags galore when I unlatched the bra Good god, I'm nasty- Some come to smash And are left spazmatic, spunk-spackling addicts Average, though most fold with the fantastic Motion in the ocean, when I stroke, I do a backflip Flash them tig ol' bits if you’re feeling proud of ‘em Your dad gon’ get mad pissed when he hear my album on So turn it up, grab your bra, burn it up Let the big thangs hang when I come to serve the butt Skanky chicks in lacey linens Naked bitches taking pictures (of me) Braid my hair, make me dinner (please?) Naked bitches taking pictures (of me) I'm on the highway driving a buck-six I ain't even late, but I sure am lit I'll pull into your driveway, you'll get in the whip I'll work the radio, you work the stick It's a d**k not a joke, take it hard ya’ broad Crash into your bandicooter, I'm a naughty dog Ya want war? On your forehead, instead of an "N" It'll read "J A R V", let's be friends Squeak like a door hinge, release endorphins Begging me to dive deep, deep in your orifice Force is never needed, really quite the opposite Tell me if ya want it, if you want it then I wanna get you Breathing like a cork-pop, easily before long She be on her forearms, greasy like oil farm Sleazy and of course, hot- Pleading for the pork chop Teething on the corn cob, treat me like a porn star Skanky chicks in lacey linens Naked bitches taking pictures (of me) Make me dinner, then do dishes (please?) Naked bitches taking pictures (of me) Yeah, it's just a hop, skip and a jump For me to come put my cock-dick in your (what?) Umm, uh huh, I can see you're very mature "I'm a virgin" ha, yeah sure She back it up and I love it, I be dusting the duchess Shimmy, shake, shiver- Leg go numb when it touches Stuffing chicks, thunderous- Honey never have enough of this Fuck a Succubus, call me the Bussanuffuluffagus Every single chick that I hit, mid-grade Give 'em dick, send ‘em off with a kiss and a mixtape "Shit nate, you so sick, this shit's great At this rate, you'll stick every skin in the twin states" All the whores in the place, put the floor on your face With your hams in my hands, get your orifice glazed That's a double entendre- Double-bag bomber Double-duty bubble-bath- Bubble-booty on her Ohhh yeeuhhhh, and it sounds so sick In Jarv's bed is where they found your chick She's a decent woman, at least that's what she said But she's pretty freaking indecent when she is in the bed Yes bitch, add another ex to the checklist Mama swear to god I operate a bed and breakfast What can I say, a player's gotta play Baby, whatcha doin later today? Hmm? Skanky chicks in lacey linens Naked bitches taking pictures (of me) Lonely women make sandwiches (for me) (C'mon dude) Naked bitches taking pictures (of me) MATURE JARV: Yo are you fucking kidding me, man? IMMATURE JARV: What? MATURE JARV: What do you mean what? Dude, what is this bullshit? IMMATURE JARV: Dude, I’m just joking around MATURE JARV: Yeah, we get it, man- You think you’re super funny IMMATURE JARV: Dude, come on MATURE JARV: Honestly, bro- You need to grow up, like, how would you feel if Ms. Kelly heard this shit IMMATURE JARV: I dunno, I mean- I hope she doesn’t but like- MATURE JARV: You’re not funny, you’re not cool, fucking get your shit together and quit acting like you’re thirteen years old, okay? Seriously, grow up IMMATURE JARV: Okay, I’m sorry, damn
10.
Deeyumm 03:49
Ayy, all my good friends are here now, with me in this room, it’s not just me, alone in my mother’s basement, hell no, I got people, I got people, yoooo Bump that Dumb phat Type shit- I write and flip it on a fun track Son I bust ass If you must ask I don't succumb to that wack, Jack- Fuck that It’s that real shit That’s got me feeling Almost better than an inward heelflip That I landed Goddammit I'm so fresh, I confess, I can't stand it Yo, listen up Lend me an ear, hear me clear like crystal A billion kids hit with missiles Multi-syllabic packed, ‘till we can pack houses I'll relax, kicking that new flava out the mouth shit yes, yes- I confess I am dirty dog Sticking dirty broads, age 30 and above Gimme love if you're loving it Nothing other than punishment I'm finna furnish a person for sleeping on my fucking shit A bird in The hand is Worth two in the bush A picture's worth a thousand words I got naked chicks writing books (what?) A bird in The hand is Worth two in the bush A picture's worth a thousand words But y'all only care about the hook So get hooked like Jump back, kiss myself I wanna jump back, kiss myself Done dealing with you peons So god deeyumm dope that I'll dis myself, uhh 2x Like, uhhh, I’m the best local rapper, fuck Jarv, man- half a verse- half a fucking band for a verse- you must be starving Nathan Jarvis, yo gibberish, gibberish, gibberish, yo check it out, check it out Yo, chicken Bacon Pizza and a beer My name Is Nathan The women think I'm weird But that does Not bother Me, really, it's okay ‘Cause these chicks talk heaps of shit But at least they know my name Say my name, say my name when no ones around Stroll to my house, baby- Let's throw down I’ll go down, you go down- Merri-go-round- Plowed like a driveway I’m tryina see holes- Shia La'migraine I stay flyer than fire paint on a bi-plane High stakes wire-attire finding what sire say Hi Nate J to the A R V I S I confess I'm the best-dressed mess A bird in The hand is Worth two in the bush A picture's worth a thousand words I got naked chicks writing books (what?) A bird in The hand is Worth two in the bush A picture's worth a thousand words But y'all only care about the hook So get hooked like Jump back, kiss myself I wanna jump back, kiss myself Done dealing with you peons So god deeyumm dope that I'll dis myself, uhh 2x Baby here I am, I'm a man on the MIC The technology may be a little outdated, but baby, buy my CD If I put your name down on the list Bitch, you better not miss the show And girl, don't ask me to sleep in your bed If you don't want me taking off my clothes So this part, originally, I had this other little thing that I wrote and, ya' know, after some time had passed, I decided I fucking hated it, so why not just take it out, right? And talk to you for some reason, but I'm gonna leave this next part in, shoutout De La Soul and Prince Paul Will rise, not fall What is up y'all, I'm Jarv I'm gentle, yet mental when I kick that raw
11.
Bombs 01:44
Y’all don’t really want no part of this The bars hit like parking cars in apartments Darken the mark and embark on a journey You bark and depart on a gurney Call your attorney, give a guy a ring Carry a tune, the canary’ll sing Bury the goons ‘till the king turn queen And he gets confused with Ariel Pink Hair in a sink- Balling ‘em up I’d get a CD if y’all didn’t suck And if I wanted to hear that same exact trap beat again Not content with uneventful, dense in the mental cunts pretending to be men I contend with meddling mind-state Riding a grey line in the middle of a rhyme and a pen I will extend a Midas touch Golden son, stylish fuck Rhyme-galloping, high-caliber upper-classman It’s the upper-echelon Get your tanks and bombs, bombs and guns You little zombies oughta blast him But never that, Jack- Actually half of these backpack rappers are raggedy After we battle I’m bagging ‘em up and I’m stashing the bag in a beat up V-Dub trunk I can see the dumb fucks coming in swarms tryina test it I’m leaving ‘em black and blue- Crack a tooth with my erection Checkmate Check on your girl when the best in the green state flex on the world Y’all don’t really know what you’re doing do ya’? Make a move and I’ma take it to ya’ Next day You’re gonna wanna curl in ball and die, I’m making ‘em hurl Covered in bruises, tryina lose him Hide your booze and hire the movers Loser Get your face the fuck up out my section ‘Fore I take your dame to lover’s lane and get a brain inspection Cute words said will never usher a response If these anvils ain’t enough, I’m dropping bombs
12.
NAHTE RENMUS: Trickling Tech Deck- Wet finger Sex with singers- Totally jet-set the zinger JARV: Pesky clinger next to linger in lingerie made by Anne Taylor Hand-stand a standard Camaro with Santana NAHTE RENMUS: Banana peel slipping I feel women and menopause JARV: Handle these chickens I’m glock-clicking with Cheddar Bob NAHTE RENMUS: Trampoline dicking, I’m real sick and I’m better off JARV: Hannity’ tripping, I wanna become a senator NAHTE RENMUS: Off-stance in transit- Titties out, booties up Tryina find a way to see that everybody poops enough JARV: Who the fuck been moving up on Julia with rufilin I will take it to all of you with bayonets and uzi guns NAHTE RENMUS: Ahhhhhh JARV: What? NAHTE RENMUS: Something was touching me Hope it’s someone that wanna suck me under the fucking seat JARV: Ahhhhhh NAHTE RENMUS: What? JARV: Sucking and fucking D Do you wanna do it? She said, “Puh-puh-puh-prumbumbly” NAHTE RENMUS: Bumble bee JARV: Humbly NAHTE RENMUS: Rolling like a tumbleweed JARV: Tummy be NAHTE RENMUS: Tumbling JARV: I think that I’m hungry NAHTE RENMUS: Grilled cheese JARV: Sunny D NAHTE RENMUS: Tell your mama what it be JARV: I just wanna take this time to say what’s up to scummy T NAHTE RENMUS: Suffering JARV: Succotash NAHTE RENMUS: Kick you in the fucking ass JARV: Buffering NAHTE RENMUS: Suck a dick BOTH: Terrible connection JARV: Dial up NAHTE RENMUS: Pile on JARV: Entering the fire zone NAHTE RENMUS: Call me on a xylophone JARV: Put a brand a new style on JARV: Pimp it out NAHTE RENMUS: This is it 4x NAHTE RENMUS: Okaly dokaly bokaly JARV: Woah, this shit is way too dope for me, bro NAHTE RENMUS: Hold ‘em and told ‘em it’s gold on it’s own JARV: I got hoes all over the globe holding me close NAHTE RENMUS: Yo, tiddleywink, totally think like a black-light JARV: Sit on the sink so you can sing to the bagpipe NAHTE RENMUS: That’s right, open your mouth JARV: Totally fat right? NAHTE RENMUS: Looking like I’m glow-in-the-dark holding a flashlight If you know what I’m talking about, blink once JARV: Shoutout to the women in the crowd that drink Cum- NAHTE RENMUS: berland- JARV: Farms- NAHTE RENMUS: Chill Zone- JARV: Slushees NAHTE RENMUS: How you gonna tell me that you still don’t love me JARV: Lovely NAHTE RENMUS: 1/5 JARV: Sugar in a cup of tea NAHTE RENMUS: Looking like a punk bitch JARV: You could never fuck with me NAHTE RENMUS: Glove fits JARV: Buckle in NAHTE RENMUS: Make a bed JARV: Tuck ‘em in NAHTE RENMUS: Tough until I take piano wire to his double chin JARV: Lucky 6 NAHTE RENMUS: 6 JARV: 6 NAHTE RENMUS: Looking like a fucking bitch JARV: I dunno what’s up with you NAHTE RENMUS: You don’t know what’s up with this JARV: Trouble is, fun as this really might be NAHTE RENMUS: Y’all could never body rock a mic like me JARV: Pimp it out NAHTE RENMUS: This is it 4x NAHTE RENMUS: What’s this? JARV: Something’s up NAHTE RENMUS: Have you had enough? JARV: Look me in the eye and tell me that you’ve had enough NAHTE RENMUS: Guess not JARV: Fuck it then NAHTE RENMUS: Smack you on the butt JARV: Kitty got the tongue again NAHTE RENMUS: Daddy got the stuff JARV: What stuff? NAHTE RENMUS: Iunno JARV: Catch you while you’re driving home NAHTE RENMUS: Stash ‘em in a car port JARV: Stacking up a pile of bones NAHTE RENMUS: Smelling bad JARV: Hella bad NAHTE RENMUS: Yelling mad obscenities JARV: I will be the leader of a super-human centipede NAHTE RENMUS: Genesis JARV: Drum fill NAHTE RENMUS: Playing while I spill blood JARV: Neighbors hear you screaming and they wonder why you’re still up NAHTE RENMUS: Sit down JARV: Get up, Listen to the water drip NAHTE RENMUS: I’m the reason Liam Neeson don’t know where his daughter is JARV: Take this NAHTE RENMUS: Take that JARV: Break your little fake rap NAHTE RENMUS: Into bits and pieces, when I leave you’ll get your face back JARV: Straight wack NAHTE RENMUS: Lay flat JARV: Feel the way the bass slap NAHTE RENMUS: Break backs JARV: Skate fast BOTH: Spitting like a spray cap JARV: Pimp it out NAHTE RENMUS: This is it 8x
13.
Stand Still 03:04
Y’all feeling me right? I’m bombing on the track like an artillery strike Riddle me like Jimmy in Batman Forever My rhythm is tight- Really, I might scatter and sever I smash on the bitch to the beats that hit My speech heats the house when it leaves my lips Keeping it fully equip to spit and split wigs Kids’ all up in the comments like, “Why is he not big?” I take not a bit, not do I give a shit Just give me the microphone, I’ll start it and I‘ll finish it Been legit, sick, nasty- Whatever adjective you wanna pass me I’ll gladly smash, packing a trash heap Of words in the cranium- They rattle in my skull If I challenged you to battle, you would have to say no Your flow’s like a woman at her time of the month But, kid, I’m masculine as fuck when I’m rhyming and stuff Hymans’ll bust when I bust, trust me Dusty beats crushed underneath the force Formidably breach beats with a speech, sleek, smooth and it’s slick You can admit no one’s doing it smoother than this, bitch Yo, come on, stand still I don't drop bars, fam- I drop anvils Upon your headtop- Flex less, the best got tested When I rock, place bets and set clocks Unable to spring ahead? Better fall back When real heads reclaim earth and serve cats their eviction notices Time winds down, you’re tik talkin’ a lot But you're not making a sound Wow, how do I do it? I confound the- Crowd, keeping ‘em moving, I move under- Ground, get a plate, son- The taste is sweet Arrange bass in a basement- You face defeat I steady flip intelligent, hella legible, clever skill If you don't get it- You gotta be kidding, kid- You never will I'm an intellectual, yet most cats say- Being an intellectual is so passé Hey, pass the peas like they used to say Grab your booster seats, I got moves to make Now usually, you could try to use your weight But me and you ain’t equal, I give crews a break Fools flocking to sell souls You rocking it? Hell no Crews drop when the bell tolls So hot that I melt foes Burnt Fetish, yelling like Kelso even Ellen went and fell upon my elephant elbow When I batter a flow pattern average Joe's scatter I’m smacking ‘em with a bag full of batteries- No laughing A whole stack of them jacking me- These Jokers’ getting mad- When queens circle the king like rings ‘round Saturn Step stride for the time is nigh to find anyone Thinking they rhyme sicker than I C’mon, give it a try, you thinking you guys got what I got? If you decide to try it, you’ll be lying in a pine box Rappers selling out with sad attempts at staying relevant I ain't walking out the room without acknowledging that elephant Heaven-sent, Hell-bound Hell-bent hell-hound Ready to bring the whole goddamn industry down But will I make it? What is making it? Gosh I'll know I made it when I go skating with Aesop rock I’ll know I made it when I stop being compared to Eminem When, aside from my complexion, there ain’t a speck of resemblance It’s not a dis, but he ain’t in my top 5 It’s probably Slug, Q-Tip, Slick Rick, Del and I don’t even know It doesn’t matter, it’s the point I’m tryina get to I learned my half my flows from big L and Chip Fu And if I don't get where I hope to be, I'll go, “Oh well” What should I expect? Lyrics and flow don't sell But I ain’t worried about a gall-dang thing As long as I got a beat, I got a story to tell Or I’ll just talk some shit, whatever
14.
Hey, what’s up, Thief- How you doing? How you been? You know I love rocking to your beats, my friend Although, I figured I would say this- No offense meant But I made this beat and I'll proceed to beat it with the pen Shake it up, shanked and cut, drank the blood I’m takin the main-stage, they ain't hanging with us When making it flood flows, I cold yank the plug And these lames straight vacate guts caked in mud Stay tough, tried and true- Face the danger Y'all wear Versace, but Jarv wears Wranglers Uhhh, check the style, I'm no stranger To tearing up the microphone, it's quite a no-brainer To me that is- Extremely deviant hedonism When I get up in ‘em, feed em to the pigs Really sick- And then I eat the mother-fucking pigs too Your mother said I was a big dude Now do you get the pic, dude? I'll rock your socks, drop your pistol Or point it at the sky, you're not stopping this dude I sift through your mix like sand in my fist I demand you hand over your jams that exist Oh, you got none? Aww, what a shame, punk, I'm not done I'll end your life, I operate mics like shotguns Boom- Ahh Straight to the dome- Now which lady is taking me home? Making it known now, I'ma go down- In the history books- Sickening crook, so foul Never know bounds, feel the bass go blaow Disturb your heart rate and turn the place out Say, "wow, he's amazing, I'd never heard his name ‘Till the day I saw him play and he straight caved the place in His last name's Jarvis, his first name's Nathan I heard he's a hermit who lurks in his basement” Hello, wassup, hey, how ya been? Run and tell your neighbor Jarv's at it again Hello, wassup, hey, how ya’ doing? Step to the kid and get ruined Hello, wassup, hey, how ya been? Run and tell your neighbor Jarv's at it again Hello, wassup, hey, how ya doin? Groove to the beat, keep moving You cannot stop me when I'm rocking non-stop The boss be tossing flows- Overload, talking at god-speed I'm flossing- These hoes, they be so sopping Listening to bomb beats, chilling, sipping some Knob Creek You won't see me drinking Mikes Hard Lemonade Same ol' cliche, Bob say, “turn the page” You don't get a feature if I'm not getting paid Hot; one million eight degrees centigrade Churn up the butter while I serve up the gold Turn up the verbal stove, burn up the flow I like my women hot and I prefer my beer cold When I burn up the stage even the firm gonna fold That's that and nobody can twist me up Kid, when I spit, your lips will get quickly shut Punk, you concede defeat immediately when he bust And you commence then to extend fisticuffs? But I don't do that shit, so move back, bitch Your crew lacks in tactics, who's that gonna attract? If you wanna get schooled and you wanna learn something My advice to you is drop the act and try to have some fun with it Runt of the litter, son’s a punk spitter If I say that I don't dig it, I'm a hater and I'm bitter Right, well if that's true, riddle me this How come every time your set hits, everyone dips? They be leavin’ you- I ain't saying they got faith I'm saying they make an exit when you step on stage ‘Cause they don't don't wanna hear that bullshit, played out, pissed off, tough guy persona that you activate Had to say it- Sorry, it's the way that I feel What's the point of making music if your music isn't real? I just wanna have fun, make beats and kick rhymes And I'll do it with my own voice, on my own time Hello, wassup, hey, how ya been? Run and tell your neighbor Jarv's at it again Hello, wassup, hey, how ya’ doing? Step to the kid and get ruined Hello, wassup, hey, how ya been? Run and tell your neighbor Jarv's at it again Hello, wassup, hey, how ya doin? Groove to the beat, keep moving You move left to right Ready, set, let's catch wreck tonight You move front to back From the club to the pumpkin patch (What?) 2x
15.
King-Loser 04:47
Me and Charlie Manson dancing to Hanson The beat don't stop ‘till your pops pay the ransom Your mama got ants in her pants, she be crampin’ My steelo, amigo- Goddammit, I'm ampin’ Take a little time for to find fortified rhymes Hype and sly, divine-minded am I Why, oh why try to define my style I'm a stupid ass, whoever you ask will abide Walk down streets, all the people look at me They're like, “Jarv is a fucking idiot” and I agree I can't blame ‘em, I'm the forsaken Spawn of satan living in mama's basement I skate down hills, I bust my face Give no fucks, got a bunch to waste Busted, concussed, like, “What's the date? Who gives a fuck, give my nuts a taste” Salty, sweet- Get in line for the feast The birds and the bees break spine to the beat Peace to the bitches, I love you all Get fucked twenty bucks a piece Sluts weak in the knees for the king of the losers Greeting hoes since I was in a booster Even though she know I'm a user She gave me dome in her PT Cruiser We can go where the scenery's nice Porta-potty under cell-phone light By the dumpster out back of The Station You'll realize that I ain't your type Uhhh- I'm that dude posted up in the corner of the room Hair to my back and it's covered in mats Bat shit, gon' spaz to the bap and the boom “You can improve” That's what they're telling me It's evident, apparently I'm missing it I figured I'd get it, but I never did I get rid of it and keep it going, knowing what I know, It’s fair to say I won't change, no, not even a little bit Me and Charlie Manson dancing to Hanson The beat don't stop ‘till your pops pay the ransom Your mama got ants in her pants, she be crampin’ My steelo, amigo- Goddammit, I'm ampin' I'm just a delinquent, gotta measure my drinking I'm thinking I should probably stay home this weekend I'm no good, I should go back to my job in the shop Find a woman, have a kid, get a dog Let that thought sink in You can be whatever you wanna be, go 'head and be it You can see just what he's gonna be right when you see him Uh, uh, uh, what’s that? Uhhh King-Loser 4x No good, what a joke, what an asshole Never could he ever get a spot in the castle Dump wildfire on your boy from above Black Water Bay getting hot like tabasco Rascal, a big one- Look at what the kid done Smashed in the back door, blasting Big Pun on a boombox Better get lost, kid, beat it I was like, “I got a thick one, baby- Wanna see it?” And I dipped out- Touched down like a runner Gunning it, outrunning her big, bad brother Back to the lair, jump down the stairs Bust my face but I just don’t care, yo King-Loser relaxed on a throne made of bottles, skate decks and traffic cones Halfway home to the halfway house Scatter-brain poems and a pack of Stone Go nuts, freak out, flip shit at the bar Driveway drift- Mailbox meet car Three in the morning- Better make french toast And burn the house down, no good so far No, but I’m wicked sick- Beef jerky and beer at the picnic, bitch Don’t tell me get a grip, kid, never giving in King-Loser gonna chill? No, not even a little bit Me and Charlie Manson dancing to Hanson Yeah and the beat don’t stop until your pops hands over the goddamn ransom and your mom’s got several ants crawling around inside of her pants and she beginning to cramp my whole goddamn style, but I’m ‘bout to chug down seven-seventeen fucking Amp energy drinks I'm just a delinquent, gotta measure my drinking I'm thinking I should probably stay home this weekend I'm no good, I should go back to my job in the shop Find a woman, have a kid, get a dog 2x Let that thought sink in, baby You can be whatever you wanna be, go 'head and be it You can see just what he's gonna be right when you see him Uh, uh, uh, what’s that? Uhhh King-Loser 4x I wanna get a leather jacket, yeah I wanna get a leather jacket and a chain wallet 3x I wanna get a leather jacket, yeah I wanna get a leather jacket with my name on it
16.
Yeah, I'm wildin' out, I’m running around smacking buns Automatic, kid flows like a Gatling gun Yo, you’re shunned to the wasteland- Thud to the face Man, I flung crumbs to outer space- Nate packs a punch Check it now, I said I'm checking out of this Earth Head's already in the clouds, when I come down you’ll observe The way I pound herbs, astound nerds with sound words Sound waves to the face, kicking lames to curbs Disperse 'fore I snap like some plexiglass Get broke in half by the cat with the mexi-stasche And nerd glasses, your verse lacked the word, “Rad” Slags fastened to my sack like an athletic strap You better grab your dictionary Your thesaurus and your rhyme book I'll kill ya' with a rhyme about how funny I look I'll dissect you in front of the bystanders and make ‘em watch This scumbag jamming to Kid Rock with his hand on his crotch Naw, fuck that, but still I rock a book bag and a nut sack Both, I dedicate to hoes and getting all my fucks back I bust that raw-type talk, I might floss obnoxious But you cannot combat this concoction Non-stopping What Non-stopping Yeah I said you can't combat the concoction Non-stopping Yeah Non-stoppping What I said you can’t combat the concoction 2x Yeah, I'm so cool coming with that clever Shatner William I’m reading Billy Shakespeare, but please believe I'm still dumb I kill some flows check it I'm baggin’ ‘em up like Bilbo Your girlfriend would still cum if I slapped her with a dildo Yo chill, bro- It's elementary, I be perfection Posted at the club, poking sluts with my erection Let's spend some time together, quit being a skeptic I inspected her gadget while we watched Lethal Weapon Keep stepping- Yo, move it along, kid- I reckon That I was wrecking shows while you was in your mama’s rectum MCs are shit and I can smell ‘em Yeah, it’s swell that you can make the ladies twerk But I can make ‘em fucking headspin Give it a rest, I'm kicking it best, sick of the rest Yo, a kid on a quest- You better give in, don’t even test Yo, I'm ripping the flesh, don't ever be thinking that you can impress Bitch, I'm ripping your shit to pieces, unleashing your girl’s breasts I'm a dirty boy- Baby, shut the f**k up when I'm talking I'm telling you I'm sick, bitch, but you don't hear me coughing The salad that your tossing is unbalanced to my raw shit Kid, you can’t combat this concoction Non-stopping What Non-stopping Yeah I said you can't combat the concoction Non-stopping Yeah Non-stoppping What I said you can’t combat the concoction 2x I'll go to Pizza Chef I'll get a chicken bacon pizza I remember being a kid I always used to drink Orangina I'll go down to the park I'll break my ass off on cheese grater black-top I remember being a kid I used to skate more, but that don't mean I stopped All work and no play makes Jarv a dull boy 8x All work and no play makes Jarv a dull boy 8x
17.
Arrivederci 04:46
For any MCs tryina talk that shit You can cough on a cockroach Chalk that shit up as a loss Get tossed by the boss of bosses Get lost man, you're all obnoxious Any local MCs tryina talk that shit You can cough on a cockroach Chalk that shit up as a loss Done giving y'all the time of day I'm too fine with the rhyme display, ayy I wish that I was hard, but I'm not and never will be Waiting for one of my enemies to come and kill me Filthy though, my steelo’s so dang dope In fifth grade I used to wear a Kangol Velvet bucket- I was smooth That's not true, but I felt real cool Elementary school, listening to my Clipse CD While rocking a Sean John jumpsuit Yeah, I'm still slick today I'm just doing the dang thang in a different way If you came to the show, you'll say the kid don't play While I barter with the owner tryina get real paid like a Beck song Check hoes with a flexed arm, Flexo got his flex on Six chicks laid out in a hexagon, I'm tryina get my darn sexy on Uh, yeah, shouts out J Timberlake We’re building a huge jump on Christmas break I'll hit it on my snowboard, launch into orbit and jump my neighbor's driveway (What?) Ayy, blame it on my ADD Baby, would you maybe sail away with me? All I need is a double L Bean fleece and an AC/DC CD Aww hell, Hell's Bells- Success, sex sells If you like what you see, baby, help yourself Carve in a bed post, notch in a belt Taking off my shirt, “I've been workin out, can you tell?” She was like, "Uhh, yeah, I can" And I was like, “Joke's on you because I haven't been It's not really a reason for you to start crying” She looked me in the eye like, "please STOP LYING” “Babe, I'll never be the one to tell you what to do Because I do what I want to do all the time And I'm gonna continue doing that a lot But I bought a cattle prod, I'm ready to get weird If you ever need a chair, sit here” "This kid's weird" Yeah, that's what they all say They don't find it funny when I ask ‘em how my balls taste Cant worry ‘bout my foul sense of humor all day I'm tryina throw my hot dog down a hallway There's not another on the planet that can do it like me I'll never settle down, baby, I'ma do my thing I'll rise and MC my eulogy, Look y'all in the eyes like, "Who's the king?" There's not another on the planet that can do it like me I'll never settle down, baby, I'ma do my thing If she wanna see what this dude can bring I'll propose to the bitch with a NuvaRing I'm so sweet, aww, does she deserve me? Buy me beer, I'm freaking thirsty I'm showing up late, then I'm leaving early Hasta la vista, arrivederci Honestly, man- Does she deserve me? Buy me beer, I'm freakin thirsty I'm showing up late, then I'm leaving early Ha, arrivederci Hey, hey, hey, uhh, wait a minute, uhh, check this out Arrivederci, goodbye motherfuckers High up in the sky, I’m a fly motherfucker Zipping into orbit, of course more than a bit morbid I morph into a war plane and style on you suckers Wassup widdit? Jarv back upon his bullshit Busting at bitches and whack rappers with a full clip Of lyrical projectiles, slip and get me vexed- I’ll appear upon the set and make a mess of all your textiles Heck I’ll even proceed to leave beats bleeding Yes, I’m keeping it even as E Stevens Leaving evil people competing heated and seething Either you get on your feet and you leave or you be seated Keep sleeping- Looking like you need a day off A brief meeting with your supervisor oughta pay off Unless your supervisor’ name is J to the A R V Pardon me, MCs are getting laid-off Take off, don’t forget your severance packages An sm58 to the face, get your bag and dip- Leave, now The people want it dirty Hasta la vista, arrivederci Oooh yeah, the people want it dirty Hasta la vista, arrivederci Said, ohh baby, we need to keep it dirty Hasta la vista, arrivederci People in the back, get up off the wall Spaz to the beat, get your feet involved People on the sides, get up off the wall Jive to the beat, get your feet involved People in the back, get up off the wall Spaz to the beat, get your feet involved People on the sides, get up off the wall Jive to the beat- ARRIVEDERCI, Y’ALL

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5TR8 TR4$H

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released October 17, 2018

All beats by Jarv excluding "Roast Beef" (Kato On The Track) and "That's Life" (Shuko)
DJ Myth did the cuts at the end of "Stand Still"
Recorded, mixed, mastered and designed by Jarv
Photos by Lillian Seibert for Gold Wing Photography

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Jarv Windsor, Vermont

Name's Jarv, large R-tard

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